Abbeville Carcass and Feces inc.

The following story article has been published based on information obtained beginning January 1, 2000. All information has been verified as correct by the staff of Abbeville Carcass and Feces inc., and has also been registered in the Vermilion Parish Courthouse, LA. (See Footnote)

The most compelling example of Scott Bakula's ever-growing mental turmoil would be his transition to employment at Abbeville Carcass and Feces inc. The company is a fairly sizable waste management company specializing in the removal and management of decaying animal stockpiles. Of course, it goes without saying that their expertise extends to fecal matter.
As Scott Bakula enjoyed a fairly successful acting career, it created a large amount of intrigue as to why he would apply to such a company. When the company owner, Keith Gaspard, was informed of the news, he happily hired Scott as a secretary in the carcass/corpse receiving department. According to Blaine Trahan, the company vice president, Keith intended to use the star power of Scott to increase publicity of his company, hopefully allowing them to open a new branch in Kaplan, LA.
As the receiving secretary, Scott's official duties including taking inventory, carcass inspection, excess maggot removal, feces tank inspection, and filtering prank phone calls. (Abbeville carcass and feces number available on whitepages.com)
According to co-secretary Crowh Leblanc, Scott stated that he applied for the position because "his life was shit", and he wanted to "immerse himself in a field befitting his talents."
Though he only is employed at the facility part time, Scott Bakula has made several requests for full time states. Commenting on the matter, Keith Gaspard stated, "We're doing our best to keep all our boys in work. Scott does a good job but sometimes I think he's a little unbalanced. We can't afford to replace any of our senior members with him at this point."

- All of the previous information is not true in any way, shape or form. Any further inquiries will be met with the same type of lies that has contributed to the publishing of this article.

Facts at a Glance

Provided within is a list of well known and scientifically verifiable facts concerning the activities of Scott Bakula since the dawn of the new millennium. This list is by no means comprehensive and shall be updated at the discretion of the Scott Bakula intelligence committee. (See Footnote)


FACT: Scott Bakula has routinely written letters to long lost loves, depositing them in the mailbox with no stamp. Four eyewitness accounts have observed him crying after each and every occasion.

FACT: Scott Bakula Once decided to reward himself to a snack after a long day of production on the set of Star Trek Enterprise. He made his way to Wendy's as he had a coupon for one free double cheeseburger. Though, the manager informed him that he could not use the coupon since it had expired. Scott Bakula returned to his home dejected and hungry.

FACT: After an extensive bout of depression, Scott Bakula had painstakingly fashioned himself a vest of dynamite, along with a remote control detonator. However, he purposely lost the detonator so that he could feel the sting of failure one last time.

FACT: Scott Bakula has continually taken out ads in the Houston Herald, displaying his image in front of a bookshelf along with his home phone number. The advertisement reads, "Not licensed to practice law." This has been confirmed by the Texas Bar association.

FACT: Scott Bakula routinely visits gas stations in small Midwest town, browsing the isles for seemingly endless intervals of time. After declining multiple inquiries of assistance from the clerk, he is ultimately asked to leave. This has been confirmed by every single convenient store in Hays, Kansas.

(None of the material published herein is based on any known data, and are outright lies. any relation to the truth is purely a hilarious coincidence.)