Provided within is a list of well known and scientifically verifiable facts concerning the activities of Scott Bakula since the dawn of the new millennium. This list is by no means comprehensive and shall be updated at the discretion of the Scott Bakula intelligence committee. (See Footnote)
FACT: Scott Bakula has routinely written letters to long lost loves, depositing them in the mailbox with no stamp. Four eyewitness accounts have observed him crying after each and every occasion.
FACT: Scott Bakula Once decided to reward himself to a snack after a long day of production on the set of Star Trek Enterprise. He made his way to Wendy's as he had a coupon for one free double cheeseburger. Though, the manager informed him that he could not use the coupon since it had expired. Scott Bakula returned to his home dejected and hungry.
FACT: After an extensive bout of depression, Scott Bakula had painstakingly fashioned himself a vest of dynamite, along with a remote control detonator. However, he purposely lost the detonator so that he could feel the sting of failure one last time.
FACT: Scott Bakula has continually taken out ads in the Houston Herald, displaying his image in front of a bookshelf along with his home phone number. The advertisement reads, "Not licensed to practice law." This has been confirmed by the Texas Bar association.
FACT: Scott Bakula routinely visits gas stations in small Midwest town, browsing the isles for seemingly endless intervals of time. After declining multiple inquiries of assistance from the clerk, he is ultimately asked to leave. This has been confirmed by every single convenient store in Hays, Kansas.
(None of the material published herein is based on any known data, and are outright lies. any relation to the truth is purely a hilarious coincidence.)
You are by now aware of the Chuck Norris Jokes, no doubt. However, such comedy is the discarded waste of a bygone era. As our society descends into an eternal downward spiral, we require more adequate amusement- Self inflicted depravity at the expense of one man: Scott Bakula. Though we know not the rhyme or reason of this madness, we care not. Our one and only objective is to document these truths for all posterity.
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